It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
