So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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