if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
