Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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