That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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