NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
