And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
