I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
