Do you still have your period?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
