never play flip cup with pint glasses
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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