My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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