She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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