His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And then he peed in my hair
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