Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
