sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
