Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
