and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
