I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
