I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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