I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he shaved USA in his pubs
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
