you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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