Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
