dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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