What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
