Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
