my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
