She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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