dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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