Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
