Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
