I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
