Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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