I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
