when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
