you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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