So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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