stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
