haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
