My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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