Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
