I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
