DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
