Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
