I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
