If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
