Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
