he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
