I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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