He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I love you.
Bad choice
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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