i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
