Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
