i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
